I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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