Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
