so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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