based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
