Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
