just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
