just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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