My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
