i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think people are normalizing furries
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
