me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Watching her eat just hurts me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
