If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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