So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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