I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
