i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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