textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
