So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
