is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
