oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
