So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
