I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
