The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
