I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
