Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
