get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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