This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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