Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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