She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
