At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
