It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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