Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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