then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
