her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
