Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd cum for enchiladas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
pray to the hookup gods
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
