i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
