I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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