Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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