doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think my moral compass just broke
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