dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
