Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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