we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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