you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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