I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize