I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
