I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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