My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
