Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
