I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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