I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
me + whiskey = a bad person
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
