You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
