i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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